LESSONS FROM THE 90s, Memoir 3

Hello all!

Another fine Monday, welcome to all who are here. Ready for a trip down memory lane? Don’t worry, I’ll be your guide. Where to start? How about at the beginning. Ahem, when I was born I was—

No no, we’ll stick to the shows from now on. And I’ll keep to between 1000-2000 words.

The first show that truly had an impact on me was Transformers: Beast Wars (1996-1999). I was still at my old home at this time. I don’t know if me, and my family—for Beast Wars was one of the few shows my whole family watched together, on the regular—I don’t know if we watched the first airing of it, as the episodes came out. Not sure if it was the OG or re-runs, though I still personally watch re-runs of it.

I remember, I believe on a school. The whole family—me mom sister dad—all had to get up very early for our jobs at 8am. That meant waking up a 630, on the dot, getting up, getting pants and breakfast (my steady diet of bacon), and being out the door by 730am, five days a week. …Perhaps it was the small house that kept us together, by forcing us together?

Anyway, we four were very bored and trying to find something to watch on TV in the hour that we had together. I remember sitting there, at the VCR (look it up, you youngsters), and I think I was manually changing the channels on the VCR set*. But I don’t think I was, because I was directing somebody else, who had to remote (maybe dad?), as we were flicking through the channels.

[*I think it was one of those combined sets that was a VCR and could change the channel; it’s been so long!]

We were flicking through, and I’m sure the early stuff was on; you know, early Cartoon Network, and definitely early Nickelodeon. We were flicking through, and I recall my eye catching a most curious sight: a cheetah, a rat, a velociraptor, and a rhino, all walking in a line on a barren beige wasteland. We flicked on, and I said ‘Stop!’ go back’. We did, right in time for the four animals to start talking to each other!*

And then they transformed into robots!

[*It was likely a first season episode, given their bickering and lack of extra characters.]

Beast Wars was a peculiar—beast, because it was set in the overall Transformers ™ universe. Effectively, it was an alternate continuity—more of an alternate history, really, set so far in the future of Cybertron that, for whatever reason, the Autobots and Decepticons changed into techno-organic forms, smaller and based on animals. This has no small amount of controversy among the Transformers fans—even though Cybertronians would could change into robot-beast shapes was present in the OG 1981 cartoon but whatever.

Beast Wars I think was the pinnacle example of 90s animation on multiple levels. It, it is just so damn good and I don’t know how! Beast Wars and another Canadian animated show, Reboot, were the first two, fully CGI animated cartoons. Wonderfully weird, stretchy, low-texture polygons rubbing and clipping against each other, yet having a strong enough art direction (and lighting engine) where every character had their own animal, color palette, distinct face, and body movements. (Some goofier than others, but not ‘janky’.)

Beast Wars was a kid’s show* that did not pull any punches. It was, like most other Transformers, a war story, but at a deep personal drama level. The frame of the show was that the Autobots/Maximals and Decepticons/Predacons were two small bands who crashed landed on prehistoric Earth. (Yes, time travel was involved and was relevant to both the plot and themes.)

[*Though as I get older, I know that calling a thing a ‘kid’s show’ is usually a misnomer. I’ve adopted Tolkein’s attitude that anything made ‘just for kids’ would be so dreadfully boring that not even children would watch it. And you know what? For all the stereotyping of being ‘glorified toys commercials’ that 80s/90s toons get, they are FUN! It is a kids show if children reject it.]

…I don’t want to call it a sit-com, nor do I want to call it a ‘character drama’, because those mask and mislead the show. The show was about embittered survivors, reduced to scraps, fighting to survive on a hostile world while still trying to kill their mortal enemies. [Though both sides had supreme medical technology, so death was hard, yet appropriately possible. And frequent.]

Even in the goofiest—oh, excuse me, I’m speaking as a literary critic, don’t worry I will get back to my childhood memories—even in the goofiest episode, there was always a kind of dynamic tension between the teams. The every-weary yet steadfast Maximals (Optimus Primal, Rattrap, Rhinox, Cheetor, and Dinobot primarily) constantly clashed with the every scheming yet unstable Predacons (Megatron, Tarantulas, Black Arachnia, WASPINATOR!, and a rotating cast of minions). The pressure was usually in the favor of the Predacons, as this incarnation of Megatron was more suave manipulator than brute (though he ruled by brute strength) and was constantly thinking of ways to sabotage the Maximals.

…A dysfunctional summer camp (Maximals) vs. a dysfunctional criminal gang (Predacons). No, that’s not all of it. See, the Maximals did have big personality (Rattrap and Dinobot respectively), were low on numbers*, yet high on cohesion. Ever true to form, the Predacons were higher in numbers but lower in cohesion. Now have slapstick robot-on-robot comedy violence ensue.

[*Correction: Lower in permanent members. Death was one problem, but also the Maximals had a ‘volunteers only’ policy. If they got a new teammate, they were allowed to stay or go on their own whim, and several powerful allies choose to retreat from the conflict rather than fight. The Predacons had no such freedom, and were stuck in the personal hell of each others’ company.]

Ack! Hold on, I mean, that, Beast Wars really was my 90s meme—that it was equal parts dark and goofy, and rather than swinging back and forth between the two poles, the darkness and comedy were kept in tension. Both the heroes and villains were allowed to be their own variety of silly and dangerous. This is too terse to be accurate, but of the 12+ or so recurrent characters, everyone of them was a badass. Some more goofy than others, but all held their own in a fight. In small ways, their motives were hinted at, and all had their opinions about their situation. Yes, good and bad guys alike.

Eh, I’ll list some.

-Tarantulas (Predacon mad-scientist who was a spider and liked eating animals) was the only ‘Con who realized that Megatron would truly get them all killed, as this Megatron was far more vainglorious that the previous. This Megatron would sacrifice his team out of vainglory than a tactical advantage, I mean. Before he died, Tarantulas even called Megatron ‘a tinpot tyrant’ to his face.

-Rhinox (Maximal chief engineer, wise man, and medic; rhino-man) was the veteran who got too old. Over the course of the show, the various members all got powerups, except Rhinox. Rather than bemoan his weakness, he trudged on with wise stubbornness. More and more, as the seasons passed, it was not his strength, but his wisdom that guided the team through, well, everything!

-Inferno and Quickstrike (Predacons, a fire ant and scorpion chimera) were two different kinds of dumb muscle. Quickstrike, a Texan (?), was in it because he was a short bully who liked hurting people, and was good at it too. Inferno was—well, brain-damaged, but also a fanatic to Megatron. And only to Megatron. He had no concern for himself or teammates, and ironically it was his own careless weapon use that caused more than one Predacon defeat. But Megatron kept him around, because he couldn’t trust the others!

-Rattrap (Maximal, scout, infiltrator, saboteur, wise-cracker, rat-man) was always sniffing around for friends. His best friend was a dinosaur man. But though short, Rattrap nonetheless learned skills that complimented his size, and was a crack shot with a pistol. In a way, he also looked out for group loyalty. He had nothing to prove, because he understood how to treat his friends and because he knew how to be useful.

-Depth Charge and Rampage (Maximal space cop manta-ray man, and Predacon Frankenstein monster-cannibal, who was a giant crab)…whoo boy, these two!

Quick summary—Rampage was a creation of Maximal mad science, and he killed a lot of Depth Charge’s friends in the escape. Later, Rampage crash landed on earth, where he was enslaved by Megatron. Depth Charge, who was delayed in tracking him down, later followed him to Earth.

Rampage delighted in causing pain, and was the single most dangerous member of the Predacon team, but to some degree, he was a tragic monster. He did not ask to be born (like book Frankenstein) but nonetheless he kept making monstrous choices (like book Frankenstein). The show gave him sympathy for his tragic origins, but no sympathy for his murderousness. He was a slave to Megatron, sure, but he liked killing enemies.

Depth Charge was a lawman who turned to revenge. Though he appeared for only a few episodes in the last season, he had an impact. He was never a team player with the Maximals, because of his revenge. Though, his anti-hero presence gave the heroes room to breathe, and plan their final counterattack on Megatron and escape Earth. Depth Charge got his wish, and underwater, engaged in a duel to the death with Rampage. And there, Depth Charge became a monster, so consumed by rage and revenge. He expressed his hate in a monologue so venomous, it stunned Rampage. His hate stunned the monster. Let that sink in*. (He then stabbed Rampage and both died when Rampage self-destructed with gleeful laughter.)

[*It also stunned youngster me, especially since I understood Depth Charge as a kind of space-sheriff!]

But the greatest of them all was Dinobot.

And not because he was a Velociraptor man that quoted Shakespeare.

More to follow!